PIP and PEEP!

Finally home!

Hi Everyone,

Happy New Year! After two long weeks, Gene came home from the hospital on December 23rd. Sorry to take so long with an update, but there has not been a free moment since coming home. Living with a trach and vent is an extreme measure and a very time consuming venture; but how wonderful to be home! Gene is doing well.

Our days are filled with all the many aspects of Gene's care and the steady flow of health agencies that are working with us. We are learning to adjust to the intricacies of home ventilation. A few weeks ago we would have assumed that PIP and PEEP were the names of little feathered characters in a children's book, but PIP and PEEP are settings that tell us if all is well with Gene's ventilator. I am learning to monitor all of the settings on Gene's vent that tell me if his breathing is normal and comfortable.

There is a lot of effort that goes into taking care of someone on a ventilator. I am sort of glad that I was somewhat naive to the amount of care that goes into taking care of Gene; I would have been freaked out. We had a nurse stay with us the first night, but now we have a nurse with us 6 days a week for 8 hours during the day. Even with that, taking care of Gene is a two person job. When someone is on a vent, they cannot be left alone and even with the nurse, we are consumed by all of the activities that are required to get through a day. I am told that things will get easier as we establish our routine and as I get more comfortable with the ventilator.

Okay, if you are squeamish you might want to skip this next part. For those that want to really know how Gene is doing and are curious about life with a trach and vent, here is a short version of what is involved:

Taking care of someone on a vent is not for the faint hearted. Someone with a trach is unable to cough or clear their own secretions; they must be removed by suctioning.--this is done several times a day. There is also a dressing that is always around the neck to absorb any secretions that accumulate around the stoma (the hole in the neck) and it must be changed at least twice during the day--I change Gene's three times a day because I am a neat freak. There is an inner cannula in Gene's neck that fits inside of his trach; this is changed every two days--this is still hard for me, but I am learning. We have 2 ventilators; one by his bed, the other on his wheelchair. All of the tubing and filters on both vents needs to be changed every week. We have lithium batteries and backup batteries, 3 ambu bags for emergencies, and replacement supplies that fill our bedroom. Gene is also receiving supplemental tube feedings through his stomach throughout the night while he is sleeping. Transferring between the bed and wheelchair with the vent is a little tricky, but we are getting the hang of it.

We are told that there is life after receiving a trach, though it takes time to adjust. We actually were able to attend church on Sunday. It was awesome to see friends in a normal setting.

Respiratory failure and infection are the leading causes of death for ALS patients. Many ALS sufferers choose not to have invasive ventilation because they believe the quality of life is too poor. For us, choosing invasive ventilation was a scary prospect but an easy decision; we believe Gene has much to live for.

Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him. For the LORD is your life...For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

Deuteronomy 30:19,20 and Philippians 1:21

Choosing life,
Gene and Michele

HOMEWARD BOUND...

The McCain Boys

Gene's Girls + Oliver!

Whew; what a crazy few days! With many snafus, what seemed impossible this morning is finally coming together. What usually takes 2 weeks to pull together has taken us less than a week; not without alot of drama, I might add. We are coming home tomorrow and we will have quite the entourage with us; nursing, respiratory therapy, and the home ventilator company will be coming with us!

Gene is progressing nicely. I have learned alot this week; though it all still makes me very nervous. It feels something like when you take your first baby home from the hospital--I feel like I am going to break him and do something wrong.

This has been a difficult day (seems like we have had many of those lately). Getting things into place has not been easy, but I think everything is moving along now. I thought I would completely lose it today and when I was hunting for a certain business card in my purse, I pulled out this card out instead; it said: Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised. Hebrews 10:36

Ahhh, the exact words I needed at just the right time. I was able to calm down and reminded myself that God is for us and not against us, that He is our present help in times of trouble. Shortly thereafter, things started to happen; things began to be organized for tomorrow's homecoming.

This past weekend our kids were here and we had such a nice visit; they even brought Oliver! Gene was so encouraged to see his little grandson. Oliver was not intimidated at all by the hospital stuff and looked with curiosity at Gene's new apparatus. It made us all the more anxious to be home before Christmas!

Gene continues to gain strength everyday. He is eating well; getting into his wheelchair for several hours a day, and getting very tired of hospitals and being in bed for hours upon hours. He has lost strength in his arms since he was first hospitalized, but our hope is that once we get home and back to our normal routine of exercises, he will regain the strength he has lost. He is also tired of having people hovering over him at all hours.

These pictures are from our lovely visit with our kids. If we don't give an update to you before Christmas, we want to wish you Merry Christmas. This is a very different Christmas season for us this year. While others are out shopping and going to parties, we are being reminded that for some Christmas is lonely. Some people actually spend Christmas in the hospital or have no loved ones to spend such a special day with. We are also reminded that the importance of Christmas is not in all the things we have a tendency to get caught up with.

Who, being in very nature God,

did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,

but made Himself nothing,

taking the very nature of a servant,

being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man,

He humbled Himself

and became obedient to death--

even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place

and gave Him the name that is above every name,

that at the name of Jesus

every knee should bow,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father.

Philippians 2:6-11

Merry Christmas,

Michele and Gene

THE JOURNEY TOWARDS HOME...

Look how handsome!

Making a face for his daughter-in-law; right Meredith?

Gene trying to freak me out; he is always doing that! His way of making light of the situation.

Hi Everyone,

Well, now I know why they call it rehab! We have been pretty much full speed ahead ever since we arrived here on Tuesday about noon. We had hoped to leave Scripps Encinitas on Monday afternoon, but it got to be too late in the day. Secretly, I was relieved; the ICU felt like a safe cocoon where Gene was very well cared for and watched like a hawk. I knew things would change. Saying goodbye to all of the ICU staff was like leaving a family--we all hugged, and cried, as we needed to continue on in our journey. We are so grateful for the loving and aggressive care that Gene received in ICU.

They loaded Gene up in the critical care ambulance and I went ahead in my car--I cried all the way there. The first day at Continental was a little disconcerting and left me feeling that I had made the wrong choice. It was kind of a fiasco getting Gene settled; he was extremely uncomfortable and a little anxious with all that was going on. Things did not get any better right away, in fact went from chaotic to just down right frustrating. The first bed they had him in was too uncomfortable for someone that is unable to turn themselves, so they were kind enough to bring in a special air mattress bed--the only problem was that the controls did not work and in fact when we were all adjusting him, collapsed and fell to the floor with Gene in it! Everyone in the room about jumped out of their skin, including Gene. After we finally got that straightened out his new doctor walked in. I am embarrassed to tell you my first impression of her! She looks like a woman wrestler, or a rough and tumble soccer mom! I could not believe she would be Gene's doctor--she has actually turned out to be wonderful!

The funniest thing happened in the middle of the first night. Gene woke up to find 4 large women surrounding his bed--he was so disoriented from the sleeping medication he had taken that he thought it was a gang of thugs coming to get him. What they really wanted was to reposition him in bed. I am still laughing as I am writing this! I don't think Gene will ever forget it--I slept through it. Our son brought a nice twin bed from home and set it up for me in Gene's room so that I could sleep close by, but I slept through the gang encounter--what a great caregiver I am!

Wednesday was spent trying to get Gene settled and our trying to let the staff know how motivated we are to get Gene home. When we met with the doctor she began a fast paced process of making everything happen. Thursday was a literal whirlwind of activity. One of the things they did was to put a tube that had a camera on it down Gene's nose so that they could actually see how well he swallows. Being able to eat with a trache in place is a little different than normal eating. Gene did well and he was cleared to start on regular food after not having solid food for over a week! He had his first lunch and then dinner; he had all 3 meals today!

Our doctor is working with us to try to get Gene released on Tuesday--much faster than we first expected, but very welcome so that we could spend Christmas at home instead of a rehab hospital! However, there is so much to do in order to make that happen.

Gene is on the hospital's ventilator, but our new home ventilator was delivered yesterday and Gene was able to try it out with it on the back of his wheelchair and got to travel around the hospital for a short time; it isn't much bigger than a laptop computer--and weighs only 13.5 pounds! They supply a backup ventilator and all the other equipment that you need when you are on a vent.

We need to have home health and tube feedings set up, so we met with the home health agency that will be providing our home nurses. We also met with a company called Dynovox, which makes special computer communicative devices. Gene is not able to talk all of the time--I can explain that a different time, but the communicative device is an amazing computer. Gene can speak by either looking with his eye or a special sensing device that is on his forehead. All he has to do is point his head or look with his eye at the letters, words or phrases that he wants to say and the computer will be able to speak for him.

When we go home on Tuesday, we need to have all of these things in place. Going with us will be the home health agency and the ventilator company. I am a little nervous about how this will all work. It will be a little scary to care for him, but we want to go home. I will not miss the drama, the lights, and all the alarms going off in every direction.

I keep telling Gene how proud I am of him--he is working so hard to get better; he is amazing. He is fast asleep right now and that is where I hope to be in a few minutes. I just wanted to let all of you know that we appreciate your kindnesses, your prayers, and the fact that you care about what is happening to us; thank you.

I thought we would be able to entertain visitors here, but the activity is just too crazy. This weekend will be spent learning all the details of trache care and the care of Gene on the vent and visiting our kids.

Good night,

Michele writing for Gene

MOVING FORWARD...

Monday afternoon--speaking valve in and smiling at the girls in his room! Even with a Passey-Muir valve, Gene's sense of humor is intact. He was cracking jokes with all of us and thanking all the "girls" for taking such good care for him.

Sunday--Even after a bad couple of days Gene was ready for a challenge. With all kinds of tubes everywhere he enjoyed sitting in his own wheelchair to watch some TV! It's not as bad as it looks.

Good news; problems are resolving, the path is smoothing out! Gene is doing better! His heart rate has returned to normal and after even more testing, it was determined that his heart is absolutely fine. His tummy issues are resolving and they have started to increase his nutritional flow into his g-j tube. The tube in his nose is scheduled to be removed in a few hours, if things continue to get better. His stitches in his trache were removed this morning. In fact, the least of Gene's problems have had to do with his actual trache surgery. All of this progress is very good news.

The very good news is that everything started to improve yesterday. His brother came to visit him and they watched a little football together--always a good thing! We were also able to transfer Gene out of his bed and into his wheelchair where he sat for 2 hours. It was quite a production getting him moved, but totally worth it. I took a picture of him, as you can see.

Also, we are making plans to move Gene. We have chosen a hospital called Continental Rehabilitation Hospital. It is in Hillcrest and my daughter and I liked it very much. I have heard conflicting reports about when we will be moved. They have told us that the move will either take place this afternoon or sometime tomorrow. I will let everyone know.

I know that perhaps you may think Gene looks terrible in these pictures, especially if you are used to seeing him at his most handsome best. To be honest, I doubt I would want my picture taken if I were in the same situation, especially if my hair wasn't done and I had no makeup on! But, we somehow believe it is important that others see what is happening to Gene up close and in doing so, perhaps, they may find encouragement in the midst of their own suffering. These pictures actually represent a good thing--progress and hope; if you could have seen him Friday and Saturday, you would know what I mean. God has been gracious to us.

We want so much to thank you for your prayers, love, encouragement, and concern for us.

Please be encouraged...

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,

along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;

I will turn the darkness into light before them

and make the rough places smooth.

These are the things I will do;

I will not forsake them.

Isaiah 42:16

BUMPS ALONG THE WAY

The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life. Job 33:4

Well, I don't even know where to begin; it has been a very busy 72 hours. We have encountered a few rough patches along the way. I wanted to write last night, but everything was too overwhelming yesterday. Gene has had a few various obstacles in the journey to go back home; some have been minor and annoying and others more serious--

First, we were told and we planned that Gene would only be in the hospital a few days before going home. We were informed on the second day that home ventilator companies require a 2 week stay in an acute rehabilitation hospital. This was quite a blow and it was really upsetting to Gene, who thought he would be home by the weekend. The purpose of the rehab hospital is to get Gene and everyone involved in his care comfortable and familiar with his home ventilator and to train us in using the equipment and for caring for Gene. He will also be working with a speech therapist who will train him in effective use of his speaking valve, a respiratory therapist who will instruct us in the use of our new portable home ventilator, and physical/occupational therapy will be helping us make the transition back home with confidence--traches and vents can be a little intimidating for most of us.

The second setback was a complication from Gene's feeding tube surgery. His digestive tract quit working and he was in excruciating pain. I'll spare you the details, but we are back in business again. Because it caused a setback, they need to rest his tummy before trying to feed him through his new tube, which is called a g-j tube. He hasn't had any nutrition since Monday.

Third, Gene also developed more mucous secretions that caused some breathing obstructions, which leads to a sense of panic and fear. Because of this and because of his tummy problems, it was decided to put off using the Passey Muir valve for a day, so that Gene could rest.

Friday morning Gene felt he just had about all he could take and he felt very discouraged. He has been put through a tremendous amount physically since Tuesday. The one bright spot of the day came when the chaplain of the hospital, who happens to be one of our pastors at church and a good friend of Gene's, came for a visit. He read to us from Mattie Stepanek's book "Heartsongs". I have heard some of these poems before, but was newly touched by the insights of this little boy that suffered greatly in his very short life. We received encouragement through the depth of wisdom as we listened with fresh ears to the words of Mattie, who was also afflicted with one of the Muscular Dystrophies.

We also had a plan to use the Passey Muir valve, but unfortunately our second experience was not very successful. The respiratory therapist was not as adept at setting the correct settings on the ventilator as our first therapist was and as a result, Gene had a very uncomfortable forceful flow of air every time he exhaled. This force of air is very uncomfortable and caused Gene to feel like he was not getting enough air to breathe. After a couple of hours, he was overly exhausted and it was decided to remove the valve and let him rest.

Today is Saturday. We had hopes of trying the Passey Muir valve today, but Gene was unable to clear enough secretions that would allow enough air to pass around the valve for effective speech. The vocal cords must have a flow of air over them or sound cannot be made.

I also had a plan to drive down to San Diego today with my daughter to visit 2 different rehab hospitals, to see which one would be best suited for Gene. While we were at the first facility, I received a call informing me that Gene was having a rapid heart beat and that he had a low grade fever. The first thing the doctors fear is a possible blood clot, due to his immobility. Gene had an ultrasound on both legs, which was negative. Because it was negative, they had to do a CAT scan to make sure he did not have a pulmonary embolism--he doesn't. He also had an EKG which showed some form of tachycardia, so they performed many tests to make sure it wasn't a heart attack or heart failure--it was not. They did find some concerns with his lungs, which leads them to believe he might possibly have an infection. They have started him on 2 antibiotics, just in case. His fever is down and he is now resting comfortably.

Because of all the setbacks, they have put off trying to feed him through his feeding tube until things settle down. We pray that will be tomorrow.

As of right now, we think that on Monday or Tuesday he will be transported to one of the rehab hospitals for one-two weeks. I will keep you posted.

Why do you complain to Him that He answers none of man's words? For God does speak--now one way, now another--though man may not perceive it.

Job 33:13-14

How is Gene?

"For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Hi Everyone,

I know that many people are wondering how Gene is and I have received too many emails to be able to answer each one individually; please forgive the impersonal nature with which I am giving information. We are so appreciative of your emails, prayers, cards, encouragement and your sincere concern. This is the first time I have been able to get on the Internet since Gene's surgery. I now have Internet access in Gene's ICU room and while he is resting quietly, I thought I should write a quick entry to let everyone know how he is doing.

Day #1: Tuesday morning we arrived early at the hospital and of course Gene was joking with his nurses as we waited for his surgery. The anticipation was overwhelming and stressful. Our daughter accompanied us and a couple of fantastic friends were here waiting here for us. We were also greeted in the hall by a couple of our pastors and it was such an encouragement to see them and to have them pray for Gene.

Gene came through the surgery well. When Katy and I were escorted into the ICU to see Gene minutes after the surgery, he had a huge grin on his face and we all shed a few tears. He was very peaceful and the ventilator was doing its job. They said he would sleep alot the first day; he was wide awake the whole day! The first day wasn't so bad.

Day #2: Learning to adjust to a tube in your neck that is attached to your source of breath is a very big adjustment for someone to make. I will never look at anyone that has a trache the same. The second day was a bit rougher than the first. I am sure that you do not want to hear all the details about secretions and suctioning and stuff like that, but it is a different experience to say the least.

On the second morning Gene was scheduled for what is called a PEG tube. A PEG tube is feeding tube that is inserted through an endoscopic procedure, however, they were unable to visualize the correct position and could not continue. So they had to put it off until the next day and use a different procedure. Most ALS patients end up needing a feeding tube because they are no longer able to swallow safely or, as is the case with Gene, his arms are too weak to bring food up to his mouth and he doesn't eat enough to maintain adequate nutrition. He will still be able to eat food with the trache, but he needs an additional nutritional source.

A very bright spot in the day was when the Speech Pathologist came to test Gene's ability to swallow and to teach him how to use a Passey-Muir valve, a special valve attached to his trache so that he could still talk. It worked and in fact the quality of his voice was much better than everyone anticipated! It was fun to have our kids come to visit and for Gene to be able to actually talk to them--they were amazed! He sounds a little bit like Christopher Reeve, but it is still Gene's wonderful voice!

Day #3 Last night wasn't such a great night. We haven't slept much and Gene was bothered by the increase in secretions and had a couple of bouts of difficulty--feeling like he was choking and not able to breathe. Of course, you can imagine the sense of anxiety and panic that it must feel like to depend on a machine for your breathing. They also had put a tube into his nose that travels down into his stomach to prepare him for the next feeding tube procedure. Not only does Gene have a trache tube in his throat, but a naso-gastric tube as well; not much fun. But, the feeding tube procedure was successful today! Gene has had moderate pain from the feeding tube site and hardly any pain from the trache. They have moved him onto a special bed that rotates the pressure on his body because he is unable to change positions--this has been helpful today.

Gene will be in the ICU for a few more days and we are making the plans for what will happen when he is discharged, when I have more information I will write again. Unfortunately, in the ICU visitors are limited to immediate family and pastors, however, it is such an encouragement to Gene when I tell him about everyone that has sent their love and prayers.

Until next time...

All our love,

Michele and Gene

UPDATE...

Oliver bringing Grandpa flowers!

Hi Everyone,



We are taking a break from our usual format of blogging because we want to post a quick update and to let all of you know what is happening in our lives. The past few weeks have been very busy and challenging for us. Gene's breathing capacity has diminished significantly and to make a long story short, we have decided to have a tracheotomy. We have chosen a surgeon and the surgery is scheduled for tomorrow, December 9th. The trache will allow Gene to be completely supported by the ventilator; he will no longer have to labor for each breath. This will be a good thing, because Gene expends a great amount of energy with every breath, even though he is using non-invasive ventilation 24/7. He will be in the hospital for a few days so that he can be observed and so that I can learn how to care for his trache and vent. We will also be lining up nursing care that will begin helping us in our home. Please pray for us; pray especially that Gene recovers quickly and that he will be protected from infection. Pray that we learn to adjust to this big change in our lives. Gene and I strongly believe in the sovereignty and providence of a loving God and we rejoice in Him, even in the midst of our affliction.



On another note, Gene has been seeing a physical therapist that comes to our home and works with Gene. This has been very beneficial and is helping Gene to maintain what strength he has and to actually see some improvement in the muscles that still function.

This is the day the LORD has made;

let us rejoice and be glad in it!

Psalm 118:22

We will keep you posted!

Gene and Michele

THE THREE THINGS

Thomas Oliver McCain

July 18, 1979-November 19, 1998

Time flies. Even though it has been ten whole years, I can remember everything about that day, right down to the smallest of details. I remember what the weather was like, I know what I wore, what I ate, what I did, who I talked to, I even remember the music that was on the radio, and I can still remember every word of the phone call that brought the news about Tommy’s accident; I remember everything. It is hard to believe that it has been ten years today. Ten years is a long time, but November 19, 1998 seems like it was yesterday.

Today our family marks 10 years since our son Tommy was killed in a terrible accident. I have often wondered how we might commemorate the 10th anniversary of Tommy’s death. I thought that, somehow, today should be made special; after all it has been one decade. We still miss Tommy incredibly. So many things have changed in 10 years. Never could I have imagined that Gene would have ALS, or that I would be writing a blog entry to honor Tommy; instead of making the day special.

I’m not sure if it is true, but it is said that losing a child is one of the most painful experiences a person can have. I do know, however, that after a few agonizing weeks of paralyzing grief, I knew that Tommy would be the last person who would want me so emotionally crippled with sorrow. After all, I still had a family to care for and responsibilities to take care of; life has a way of marching on, no matter how bad you hurt. I knew that Tommy would want me to have an outlook from God’s perspective of eternity, and so I imagined what Tommy might say to me if he could come back from heaven just long enough to encourage my grieving heart. Three things immediately came to my mind in vivid detail. In the 10 years since Tommy’s death, I have not forgotten the three things. They have been a catalyst in helping me to be able to continue on in life without caving in completely, and they have helped me through many far less challenging times since then. Now in the face of the darkest of all trials, Tommy’s words once more are reminding me to maintain a perspective that looks at our situation, not with eyes of flesh, but from the edge of eternity. And so today November 19, 2008, in Tommy’s honor and in his precious memory, I would like to share the “three things” with all of you.

In my mind, I could clearly picture Tommy coming to me and giving me a great big hug and saying, “Mom don’t be sad, it’s all going to be okay; you will like the end of the story”. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those that love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 is probably the most loved promise in the entire Bible. It reminds me that God’s ways are very different than mine. In the book of Genesis, Joseph’s brothers hated him so much they made a plan to sell him into slavery. When Joseph is finally reunited with his brothers and they cry to him for forgiveness, Joseph tells them, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done”…Genesis 50:20. The brothers may have thought they were in charge of their plan to get rid of their brother, but God intended to work out His own plan. God always has a plan and His plans are always good and loving. The LORD foils the plans of the nations; He thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations. Psalm 33:10,11

The second thing I imagined that Tommy would have said to me was, “Mom, life on this earth is very brief, make the most of every opportunity God gives.” Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Ephesians 5:16 17 If I live with my eyes fixed only on this life and the cares and circumstances that I see, I will miss seeing them from God’s perspective. God gives to each of us opportunities to bring Him honor. The deep lessons of suffering and pain are learned only in this life and are achieving for us an eternal weight of glory (2 Corinthians 4:17). Even suffering and affliction are opportunities to bless God, bless others, and to do good. May I not be so consumed with my own pain that I miss seeing the pain in the lives of others.

The third thing I imagined Tommy saying to me was, “Mom, heaven is beyond anything you could ever imagine!” I can’t begin to imagine what the glories of heaven will be like; we will never exhaust the wonders of heaven, or grow tired of being there. Heaven will be a place of reuniting with Tommy and others that I love, but what will make heaven be greater than anything I could ever imagine is, God Himself; God dwells there. Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Revelation 21:3-4

Second only to God and His word, Tommy has taught me more about living with an eternal perspective than anyone else; looking at life from the perspective of God’s incomprehensible plan, instead of through my own finite and simple mind.

In the back of Tommy’s Bible is a poem that he wrote toward the end of his brief life. Though his theology is not perfect, Tommy had a grasp on eternity that far exceeded his 19 years.

MY FATHER

He is grace full

He is loving no matter what I do

He has great mercy I cannot explain

His way is righteousness, truth, and forgiveness

He lives forever

My Father loves me so much that He died on the cross to pay for my soul.

My Father loves me and you

Please do not forget or you might miss Him

He is coming real soon.

Yes, Tommy, He is grace full; full of grace and truth. Thank you, Tommy, for helping us to see with an eternal perspective the grace that is so freely available to all of us. That is something we would like to share about next time.

Until then...

Thinking of Tommy,

Gene and Michele

A VOICE IN SUFFERING...

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. Hebrews 11:1,2

It is a fearful privilege knowing that people actually read our blog and are even asking others to read it, as well. Though it is an honor that you would care to be part of our journey, it also feels like a tremendous responsibility to us, and we do not it take lightly. We want the things we write about here to make a meaningful difference in the lives of those that check to see what is happening to us. We want the words we say to be thought provoking, not unhelpful or hurtful; certainly not tinged by an attitude of hypocrisy or self-righteousness. There is a weight of seriousness upon our life right now. It seems as though we have been granted a unique opportunity to be a voice in the lives of others in the midst of our suffering. Though there is a great inadequacy within us, we want to express the thoughts and intents of our heart. And so today, we will make our attempt to be as authentic and as transparent as we know how to be. We would like to share with you some of our low points; the not so good thoughts and feelings we have had up until now.

We have been under some intense and stressful circumstances lately. I have to admit that this whole ALS thing has been a lot harder than I ever could have imagined. Right from the beginning, I had read about the progression of the disease and what was to be expected along the way. Intellectually, I knew what was going to slowly happen, but actually living through it has been completely different. Now that it is happening, and not so slowly I might add, it is like trying to stay ahead of an enormous tsunami—it’s just too big to keep out in front of without being overwhelmed by its powerful force. Gene’s condition continues to deteriorate. At this time, Gene is confined to his wheelchair, his recliner, or his bed. He can do very little to care for himself. The lack of mobility is very hard on his body, and he is uncomfortable often. Everyday his weakness is more pronounced, including his diaphragm.

These past few weeks have been hard for us. We have never been under as much stress as we are right now; far beyond my own ability to endure. With frayed emotions, I have been surprised by my own inability at times to cope with the challenges and to hold it together. Nothing about any of this has gone smoothly or easily; everything has had a struggle attached to it. There have been difficult obstacles and challenges to face every day; some seem insurmountable. Emotional fatigue has worn heavily on my ability to tolerate frustrating situations. I get so frustrated and angry with some of the agencies that we deal with when things don’t go right, which is often. I lose my patience easily when a piece of equipment doesn’t work the way it is supposed to; nearly, every day. I want to scream when someone parks in the handicap space, but they have no handicap sticker displayed on their car and there is nowhere else for us to park. I feel so frustrated when I am not physically strong enough to help Gene do something he wants or needs to do. I am completely overwhelmed at times when we have so much that needs to get done in a day’s time, and I can’t possibly get it all done. I feel extreme sadness when I know how hard it is for Gene to sit passively by, unable to help or participate in his own care. I feel resentful and my heart is grieved because we can’t do the things we used to do together. I feel angry that ALS is robbing me of my husband.

We have also had a number of disappointments that have put me over the edge and have left us feeling sad and discouraged. The relentlessness of Gene’s ALS and the demands of the situation have broken me. I admit ALS has brought out the very worst in me. I am ashamed sometimes at my reactions, and I have been surprised by the darkness of my feelings.

I can only risk sharing with you my true feelings of frustration, resentments, and the depths of pain and despair because I don’t believe I am unique. Everyone, at some point, has come up to the edge where it feels like we cannot take it any more. Whether we are willing to admit it out loud, or we keep our feelings deep inside, God is fully aware of the true condition in our hearts. We cannot fool Him.

Sometimes when we are experiencing the deep depths of pain, we find it challenging to navigate through the darkness. Though we see through a glass darkly, we can hear from the voices of those that have suffered before us. God has provided in His word the voices of many that have suffered far deeper despair than I have. Though I am very encouraged by a number of others, I have rekindled a friendship and have found a suffering companion in the Book of JOB. In his deep suffering Job has given voice to my suffering.

All that Job possessed on this earth was suddenly taken away from him, including his beloved children. But, if that were not enough Job is tested again to the limits of his human capacity when he is once more struck; this time in his own body. Job becomes covered in painful sores from the top of his head to the soles of his feet; it is more than he can take. In all of Job’s losses he did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing. But, what I appreciate most about Job is his honestly in sharing his feelings of hopelessness. Surrounded by the darkness of his desperate situation, Job plummets into a pit of despair. Blinded by the immensity of his pain Job cries out, “If only my anguish could be weighed and all my misery be placed on the scales!” Job 6:1.

After Job’s long and painful discourse, God finally answers Job out of the storm. Though God never gives Job an explanation to his very painful circumstances, Job confesses he spoke of things too great for him to understand and things too wonderful for him to know. Even before Job’s life is ever restored to “normal”, he is able to persevere in suffering “because he saw him who is invisible” Hebrews 11:27.

The strain and the stress of a protracted trial can cause us to lose sight of our vision of the invisible. Though God seems to hide Himself at times and our circumstances do not change, our hope is restored when we are able to see Him who is invisible.

Gaining an eternal perspective in the midst of deep pain is something we would like to share with you about the next time. But, until next time I will gain my footing again; God is faithful. We are fixing our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18 …This is what the ancients were commended for. Hebrews 11:2

Until then,
Gene and Michele

Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.

Psalm 42:11

A 'Dream' Come True!

An Amazing Group of Friends and Family

Our Amazing Daughter, Katy

Our Banner Proudly Waving!

Gene's Special Interview

Oliver hitching a ride with Grandpa

Just enjoying the scenery

Here we come!

So Many Great Friends!

"Faster Oliver, we are almost there!"

"What's everyone looking at?"

Oliver chill'in with the team!

"What's for lunch?"

Thank you to everyone that made GENE'S DREAM TEAM a ‘Dream’ come true! Sunday, October 19th was a beautiful day at the De Anza Cove in San Diego! It was a beautiful day because 51 of our family and friends came to support Gene and participate with us in the 7th annual Walk to Defeat ALS. There were many others that were not able to be there, but also showed their support with kind well wishes and their generous donations on behalf of Gene's Dream Team; we thank them as well! I don't know what the final dollar figure for our team is, but it cannot compare to the great reward of knowing that we are loved and cared for by such wonderful people. Words of gratitude are insufficient to say thank you to everyone that participated!

How wonderful it was to spend time together with good friends and our dear family and to see those friends and family that we do not get to see on a regular basis. We are especially thankful to our wonderful kids who helped us with all the little details and practicalities; they have been a great source of encouragement to us every step of the way. Even our 15 month old grandson Oliver got into the act! He enjoyed riding with grandpa on his wheelchair and afterward sitting on any empty beach chair that he could find!

Gene was also unexpectedly interviewed by CBS affiliate KFMB TV News 8. Unfortunately, we did not see it aired, but we have heard that it was on the 6:30 PM broadcast. We are working on receiving a copy of it and if there is anyway that we can put a link to it, we will do so. I was so proud of Gene as he spoke quite eloquently words from his heart about the disease of ALS, his friends and family that were there, his sense of being part of something much bigger than himself, and his gratefulness to his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

All together, there were about 2000 people that participated in yesterday’s Walk to Defeat ALS. During the walk it was such an encouragement to see all the various walk teams supporting their own friends and family that are afflicted with ALS. Many people with ALS were able to participate with their teams using their wheelchairs, scooters and walkers; it was sad and encouraging at the same time to see others in various stages of the disease. There were, also, those that were walking in memory of a loved one that had ALS and have since died.

It is hard to imagine that only 9 months ago ALS was not something we ever gave thought to, because we did not know anything about it; now it has changed our whole world. ALS has brought out the best and the worst in us; that is something we would like to share about with you next time. Not only that, ALS has given us the opportunity to be reminded how very important it is to be connected to a community of family and friends, sharing our lives together and caring for one another.

If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Ecclesiastes 4:10

With loving gratitude,

Gene and Michele

THE POWER OF GOD AND THE PURPOSE OF PAIN

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men, yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

It’s a very demoralizing position to find yourself in when you are no longer able to take care of yourself. Not being able to do the simplest of tasks is very frustrating, and it is very humbling having to rely on others for everything you need. At this stage in Gene’s disease, we are sensing the cruel power of ALS. His mobility is extremely limited and getting worse day by day. We just completed a renovation to our shower to make it handicap accessible; it actually turned out quite beautiful. We are using a special chair that rolls into the shower, and I am bathing, drying, and dressing Gene. What a hilarious sight it is sometimes—it isn’t easy for a small woman to physically care for a much bigger man. Gene says I scrub him so hard that I am not only removing this year’s tan, but last years too! We have, also, just bought an extra-long twin Tempur-Pedic adjustable bed for Gene. The foot and head of his bed can be raised and lowered with a touch of a button, and it even has a vibrating massage feature; however, getting him into and out of bed is a major production. You should see us trying to position him just right on the mattress—if it wasn't so sad, it would be funny, and sometimes we do laugh and cry at the same time. He is positioned right beside our king size bed so that I can be near him when he needs something in the middle of the night, but we miss sleeping together in the same bed. We have gotten a brand new electric lift that will help me to be able to transfer Gene from bed to wheelchair when he is unable to assist me with transfers, or if he falls again. Our room is looking more and more like a hospital room than a romantic master bedroom. We are thankful, though, for the tools and equipment that are helping us accomplish the tasks of daily life. But, this is only our little corner of suffering, we know that you have your own, too; everyone does.

Suffering is universal. Suffering happens to young and old, rich or poor, atheist and God-fearing alike. Suffering is no respecter of persons, power, privilege, or position—it will visit everyone at some point, no matter who you are. No one needs to be convinced that there is a great deal of pain and horrible suffering in this world. If God is supposed to be a God of love, why would He allow people to experience so much pain and suffering? Why does He allow famines, floods, fires, earthquakes, and horrific accidents? Why would He allow us to suffer terrible diseases? If God is so powerful, why does he not just eliminate suffering all together? Does He lack the power or the compassion to overcome pain, suffering, and all the evils of this life? These are not new questions and there are no simple or easy answers.

Throughout time and history philosophers, theologians, and other great minds have sought to give their explanations. Gene and I are certainly no experts in the fields of philosophy or theology and we don’t pretend to be great thinkers. The only thing that qualifies us to speak on this subject is that we have suffered somewhat in our lives and we have looked to God’s Word for answers. We understand that there are many of you that read our blog who may not embrace what we believe, but we welcome you here anyway. We, also, know that some of you are experiencing very painful times in your lives. We are very aware that you hurt, and we would very much like to share with you what has allowed us to keep going and not just to keep going, but to have joy in our hearts despite the suffering that ALS is causing us.

Losing a precious son in a terrible accident 10 years ago has been a training ground for our suffering. We never imagined that we would ever be faced with anything more painful than the death of a child, but here we are! Our deepest desire is that we might offer to you a door of hope and maybe give you something of eternal significance that will make a difference in your life.

When suffering comes to us, it is very easy for us to believe that God does not love us, or that He does not care about us. It is normal to wonder if He is even able to prevent our suffering; is He really in control. But, the truth is, if God were not able to prevent the suffering that has befallen us, then He would not be a God who is very powerful, He would not be a God that is trustworthy. Whatever suffering that has happened to us, would have been more powerful than God himself.

But, God is in control over His creation and He is completely trustworthy. He is in control of our lives, right down to the smallest of details; right down to you and your life, to your pain and your suffering. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29-30. This truth gives Gene and me a great deal of comfort and hope. If our pain and suffering have no purpose, then our existence in this life is pointless. But He does see us, He knows us, and He is caring for us.

So then, why suffering? Why did God choose suffering to fulfill His plan? The Bible is a thick book, and it gives many reasons and purposes why God allows suffering, pain and calamities. In our search to find God’s answer to this question, we believe that there is one explanation that stands forth as the most important reason and that is, that we would learn to place our hope, not in this temporary life, but in the great value and worth of Jesus Christ.

There are matters of eternal significance that God desires to reveal to us, but often we are too busy being busy with our own lives that we do not hear Him. In his book, “The Problem of Pain”, C.S. Lewis said that "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." We love this life; we love our comforts, our toys, our hobbies, our jobs, our routines, our own stuff, our own self. But, this life is but a brief moment; we are like the grass that withers in the heat of the day and then we are gone. A little disease like ALS will remind you that this is true. We, sometimes, act like this life is all there is; that we will be here forever. There are some things that are much too important to be whispered and God must use a trumpet blast to get our attention. He wants for us to lighten our grip on this life that is only a momentary existence, and to value Him as our highest treasure. He wants us to understand that His loving-kindness is better than life itself.

Even the apostle Paul experienced the shout of God in 1 Corinthians 1:8-9 when Paul said, “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.”

God’s value of suffering is much different than ours. For the display of His own great glory, God the Father did not even spare the suffering of His own Son so that we might know His love and salvation that far outweighs any momentary discomfort we experience in this life—What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things? Romans 8:31-32

If and when you experience great and painful suffering, Gene and I would like to be a voice that says to you, “God is for you and not against you. He has designed your suffering, because He loves you, to help you release your grip on the temporary hopes of this life so that you might, instead, rejoice in the hope of the glory of God, through Jesus Christ”.

Until next time…

…we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.

Romans 5:1-5

To the praise of His glorious grace,

Gene and Michele

HURRICANES, RUNAWAY TRAINS, AND LIFE

..."Who is this? He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey Him." Luke 8:25

Today is Sunday and we are thankful to have a restful day that we can go to church and now, just sit and be together as a family. This has been a rather challenging week for us. In this last week alone, we have seen 2 neurologists, a rehabilitation specialist, a speech pathologist, a physical/occupational therapist, a respiratory therapist twice, a nutritionist, a pulmonologist, a case manager, a wheelchair specialist, 2 lawyers, we have spent hours on the phone trying to unravel an insurance issue, and have had to deal with car problems. We have felt stretched, overwhelmed, tired, frustrated, perplexed, pressed down, and weak.

We are not the only ones that have had a difficult week. These past several days have been hard for a lot of people. We, as a nation, commemorated the 7th year since 9/11; parts of our country experienced a severe weather storm, known as Hurricane Ike; and on Friday, a devastating train wreck in Los Angeles claimed 25 lives, injuring many others and changed the lives of all those that traveled on the Metrolink that day. Perhaps you know someone that has been affected by one of these tragic events; maybe they have affected you.

Surely, there are untold numbers of personal events that have challenged all of you this week, as well. Life, itself, is a hard journey for most of us—sometimes it feels a bit like a hurricane or a runaway train. The storms of our lives often gather strength and increase in size; they seem to wreck havoc, as they form their destructive path. This is what ALS feels like; it picks up speed and size, and grows until it is a category 5 hurricane. ALS destroys your body, but it doesn’t have to destroy your soul.

Thankfully, the loss of life caused by Hurricane Ike’s fury will certainly be much less than it might have been because most in her path heeded the warnings to move to safer surroundings. Sadly, there are those that chose to stay with their homes and paid the price with their lives. Jesus tells us of a similar storm: “Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house, and it fell with a great crash.” Matthew 7:24-27

As destructive as Hurricane Ike was, those that listened to the warnings were able to get to safe shelter while the weather was still calm. The Metrolink crash was another matter. I suspect that those boarding the train that day could not have imagined what was about to happen to them; there was no time for them to prepare.

ALS is not the first hurricane that we have experienced in our lives, but it seems to have the potential to be the largest and the most destructive so far. Gene fell this morning; fortunately our son was here and could pick him up, because I could not. Gene is, also, having a hard time dressing himself, and he needs my help getting comfortable in bed. But, the most serious challenge this week has been Gene’s struggle to catch his breath; his diaphragm and chest muscles are weakening. He is now using a BiPap ventilator machine at night; tomorrow we will receive a machine called a “sip and puff” ventilator; it will assist him in the daytime when he is short of breath, and another machine called a “cough assist” because Gene has lost the ability to cough; making cold and flu season dangerous for him. We have his special wheelchair ordered; hopefully it will be here within 2 weeks.

Fortunately, God has used our previous storms to prepare us for this current one. We have built the foundation of our lives upon the strong Rock of Christ Jesus, and He has given us the ability to endure this very strong storm. We do not mean that any of this is easy and even though we are “hard pressed on every side, [we are] not crushed; perplexed, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (1 Corinthians 4:8) we know that God reigns, that He is all good, that He is trustworthy, that He is all wise, and that He is all loving.

About this time some may ask, “Why would a God who is supposed to be all loving allow deadly hurricanes, train wrecks, and dreadful diseases such as ALS anyway?” That is a hard question and one we have all asked. We would like to share our thoughts with you on this subject next time.

As we close today, we would like to encourage you to be part of "Gene's Dream Team". You can sign up by clicking on this link: http://web.alsa.org/goto/genemccain

Let us leave you with this thought...

Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.

Proverbs 27:1

Trusting the One that holds our tomorrows,

Gene and Michele

GENE'S DREAM TEAM...

GENE'S DREAM TEAM

Hi Everyone,

We would like to thank all of you that have taken time to show your love and encouragement to us, as we walk this journey with ALS. We are incredibly blessed to have so many people that care about us. Knowing that you care makes such a difference. Thank you, too, for reading our blog and sharing it with your friends and family. We have been overwhelmed by your response and show of love. Many of you have asked how you might be able to help us; that is the purpose of today’s post.

We would like to ask for your help in the fight against ALS! The Walk to Defeat ALS is The ALS Association’s national signature event. Each year, more than 100,000 people across the country, including ALS patients, their families, friends, and corporate sponsors join to increase awareness of the disease and to raise funds in support of The ALS Association so they can continue to provide their wonderful community-based patient services and to fund their cutting-edge research programs. Last year, 2,000 individuals participated in the Greater San Diego Chapter Walk and raised over $300,000, making it their most successful year yet.

In the few months since Gene’s diagnosis we have received valuable help and support from the San Diego ALS Association. Now, we would like to invite all of you to join us for this year’s Walk to Defeat ALS! We are forming our own walk team; Gene will be our team captain and will participate in his power wheelchair, and we want you to be part of our team. Save the date:

Sunday, October 19, 2008
De Anza Cove, at Mission Bay
Registration is @ 7:30 a.m.
Start time is @ 9 a.m.

Anyone can participate with us in the fight against ALS. The walk route is 3 miles and is completely handicap accessible. The walk day includes activities for all ages and is a fun time to gather together. We would love to have all of you!

We are calling our team GENE’S DREAM TEAM. You can register to be part of our team and walk with us and/or sponsor us by going to Gene’s walk page; just click this link: http://web.alsa.org/goto/genemccain. We hope you will register today and join with us in the fight against ALS!

God bless you,
Captain Gene and Michele

Jerry Lewis MDA TELETHON

Hi Everyone,

Like many of you, when we were kids we spent the last weekend of summer vacation swimming, eating barbeque chicken, watermelon, homemade ice cream and watching the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon. Since 1966, comedian and entertainer Jerry Lewis has brought worldwide attention to a group of diseases called the “Muscular Dystrophies” with the 21 ½ hour telethon he hosts. At the present time, there are 43 recognized “muscular dystrophy” diseases. ALS is one of these diseases. We didn’t know this until a little over 2 months ago. To be honest, I have only watched brief snippets of the telethon over the years. Being somewhat cynical, I always regarded the telethon as a ploy that used cute handicapped children to gain sympathy and to tug at the heart strings of hard working people until they were willing to give of their hard earned money—it worked, and I am thankful. We, and many other families, are benefiting from this media “ploy” that has prompted many wonderful, hard working folks to give generously.

Last year’s MDA Telethon raised $63.8 million in donations. Over half of this money was allocated toward research; $18 million of it was given toward ALS research. There are about 225 university-affiliated MDA clinics in the United States and 38 MDA/ALS clinics. Every person that has a neuromuscular disease and is registered with the MDA is eligible to benefit directly from the money raised during the telethon. As a result, all muscular dystrophy patients may receive a free flu vaccine, assistance with the purchase and repair of expensive medical equipment, support groups and educational literature. MDA also has nearly 90 summer camps across the United States where children that suffer from various muscular dystrophies can experience an unforgettable week of fun just being a kid, at no cost for their parents! As we are finding out, these neuromuscular diseases are very expensive to deal with and many families could not make it without the help of the MDA.

Gene and I will be watching the MDA Telethon, beginning August 31 at 7pm. In San Diego, it will be on the KUSI television station. With hearts that have been tugged at, we will be picking up our phone to make a donation for “Jerry’s Kids”. We will also be thankful for every dollar that is earned, knowing from experience, it will be put to use to help alleviate the suffering of many.

With love,

Gene and Michele

HANDICAP ACCESSIBLE...

Every 90 minutes an American is diagnosed with ALS. Most individuals that develop ALS have been healthy and physically active all of their lives. The onset of the disease usually begins in the limbs, called limb onset ALS; 25% of cases begin in the mouth, called bulbar onset ALS. For all of its victims, ALS will eventually lead to paralysis of all the voluntary muscles of the body, but the rate of progression varies with each person.

When you’ve been healthy and physically active all your life, it usually doesn’t occur to you that you could ever become “handicapped” or “disabled”; Gene is now both. When you have been physically fit and active all your life, you never think about having to depend on others to take care of your needs. When you have been physically able all of your life, you don’t worry that hallways and doorways will be wide enough to accommodate a wheelchair, or pay attention to see if a building or a place you would like to go to is handicap accessible; we do now.

As one who is physically able, I’m ashamed to say that I never thought twice about leaving my shopping cart in the blue path, called an access isle, along side the handicap parking stall. I now know that the blue asphalt directly beside a handicap parking space is not there to make it convenient for me to leave my cart when I am finished with it, but it is there for the purpose of a ramp that extends out of a van allowing a person in a wheelchair to slide out onto the pavement. If that area is blocked, the person in the wheelchair has no room to exit from their van. Even with a big “no parking” stamped on it, I see people leaving their shopping carts in the “blue” instead of returning the cart to the store or to a designated shopping cart return. I don’t think people are trying to be inconsiderate, but rather are acting out of ignorance. I was such a person, not anymore.

Lately, we have been getting an education in the ways and challenges of the handicapped. We have met with the wheelchair specialist to learn about the very specialized, high tech features that Gene will need in a wheelchair; we have had much to learn. This is not your ordinary push wheelchair. Gene will be meeting with the physical therapist, the wheelchair specialist, and the ALS specialist to do a wheelchair assessment. This will be an intense appointment where his needs will be determined and they will measure Gene for a custom fitted power wheelchair called a Permobil. It is becoming clear that the Permobil is going to be a necessity very soon. We are almost looking forward to it! We have, also, been shopping for a “ramp van” so that we can maintain as much freedom and independence as possible. We will be thankful for the blue access isle when we start using the power wheelchair.

There are many obstacles to face when you are handicapped, fortunately many of them can be overcome. We appreciate all the technology that helps Gene and others continue living as normal as possible for as long as possible. We are, also, grateful to live in a country that has made getting out into the community possible for those that are disabled. Many have worked hard so that disabled persons can have easier access to public places. We are the beneficiaries of all those that have been advocates for the handicapped and disabled.

We have also benefited from all that Jesus has accomplished on our behalf. All of us have handicaps and disabilities; some are just more visible than others. Our greatest disability is the disease called “sin”. Sin has separated us from our heavenly Father, but Jesus has made access to God possible for anyone that desires it, regardless of who they are or what they have or haven't done. Jesus’ favorite people to hang out with are those that are willing to admit they are handicapped. In fact, Jesus was criticized for hanging out with those that were the “handicapped” of society—tax collectors, prostitutes, criminals, the sick, the blind, the paralyzed and crippled, etc. He said to His critics, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Mark 2:17

Jesus is also our advocate. An advocate is “one that speaks on behalf of another. It is implied that the represented lacks the skill, ability, or standing to speak for themselves.” "Even now my witness is in heaven; my advocate is on high. My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God; on behalf of a man He pleads with God, as a man pleads for his friend." Job 16: 19-20 When we lay our pride aside and acknowledge that we cannot speak for ourselves because sin has separated us from our true Father in heaven, Jesus stands up and speaks on our behalf. He tells the Father that you have been given full access to all that is His. You have now been granted complete access to all of God’s riches through faith in Jesus Christ, who has become your blue "access isle”.

We will be back very soon, in the meantime these closing words say it much better than we could...

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.

Romans 5:1-6

We are "rejoicing in the hope",

Gene and Michele