THE THREE THINGS

Thomas Oliver McCain

July 18, 1979-November 19, 1998

Time flies. Even though it has been ten whole years, I can remember everything about that day, right down to the smallest of details. I remember what the weather was like, I know what I wore, what I ate, what I did, who I talked to, I even remember the music that was on the radio, and I can still remember every word of the phone call that brought the news about Tommy’s accident; I remember everything. It is hard to believe that it has been ten years today. Ten years is a long time, but November 19, 1998 seems like it was yesterday.

Today our family marks 10 years since our son Tommy was killed in a terrible accident. I have often wondered how we might commemorate the 10th anniversary of Tommy’s death. I thought that, somehow, today should be made special; after all it has been one decade. We still miss Tommy incredibly. So many things have changed in 10 years. Never could I have imagined that Gene would have ALS, or that I would be writing a blog entry to honor Tommy; instead of making the day special.

I’m not sure if it is true, but it is said that losing a child is one of the most painful experiences a person can have. I do know, however, that after a few agonizing weeks of paralyzing grief, I knew that Tommy would be the last person who would want me so emotionally crippled with sorrow. After all, I still had a family to care for and responsibilities to take care of; life has a way of marching on, no matter how bad you hurt. I knew that Tommy would want me to have an outlook from God’s perspective of eternity, and so I imagined what Tommy might say to me if he could come back from heaven just long enough to encourage my grieving heart. Three things immediately came to my mind in vivid detail. In the 10 years since Tommy’s death, I have not forgotten the three things. They have been a catalyst in helping me to be able to continue on in life without caving in completely, and they have helped me through many far less challenging times since then. Now in the face of the darkest of all trials, Tommy’s words once more are reminding me to maintain a perspective that looks at our situation, not with eyes of flesh, but from the edge of eternity. And so today November 19, 2008, in Tommy’s honor and in his precious memory, I would like to share the “three things” with all of you.

In my mind, I could clearly picture Tommy coming to me and giving me a great big hug and saying, “Mom don’t be sad, it’s all going to be okay; you will like the end of the story”. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those that love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28 is probably the most loved promise in the entire Bible. It reminds me that God’s ways are very different than mine. In the book of Genesis, Joseph’s brothers hated him so much they made a plan to sell him into slavery. When Joseph is finally reunited with his brothers and they cry to him for forgiveness, Joseph tells them, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done”…Genesis 50:20. The brothers may have thought they were in charge of their plan to get rid of their brother, but God intended to work out His own plan. God always has a plan and His plans are always good and loving. The LORD foils the plans of the nations; He thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations. Psalm 33:10,11

The second thing I imagined that Tommy would have said to me was, “Mom, life on this earth is very brief, make the most of every opportunity God gives.” Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Ephesians 5:16 17 If I live with my eyes fixed only on this life and the cares and circumstances that I see, I will miss seeing them from God’s perspective. God gives to each of us opportunities to bring Him honor. The deep lessons of suffering and pain are learned only in this life and are achieving for us an eternal weight of glory (2 Corinthians 4:17). Even suffering and affliction are opportunities to bless God, bless others, and to do good. May I not be so consumed with my own pain that I miss seeing the pain in the lives of others.

The third thing I imagined Tommy saying to me was, “Mom, heaven is beyond anything you could ever imagine!” I can’t begin to imagine what the glories of heaven will be like; we will never exhaust the wonders of heaven, or grow tired of being there. Heaven will be a place of reuniting with Tommy and others that I love, but what will make heaven be greater than anything I could ever imagine is, God Himself; God dwells there. Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them. They will be His people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. Revelation 21:3-4

Second only to God and His word, Tommy has taught me more about living with an eternal perspective than anyone else; looking at life from the perspective of God’s incomprehensible plan, instead of through my own finite and simple mind.

In the back of Tommy’s Bible is a poem that he wrote toward the end of his brief life. Though his theology is not perfect, Tommy had a grasp on eternity that far exceeded his 19 years.

MY FATHER

He is grace full

He is loving no matter what I do

He has great mercy I cannot explain

His way is righteousness, truth, and forgiveness

He lives forever

My Father loves me so much that He died on the cross to pay for my soul.

My Father loves me and you

Please do not forget or you might miss Him

He is coming real soon.

Yes, Tommy, He is grace full; full of grace and truth. Thank you, Tommy, for helping us to see with an eternal perspective the grace that is so freely available to all of us. That is something we would like to share about next time.

Until then...

Thinking of Tommy,

Gene and Michele